Birds
As the pandemic weeks have continued on, I intentionally chose a background in which I could lose myself in, silence the rhetoric and find a quiet space.
The grief I have felt is laced into this one. It is easier to paint than to find the words to describe the paralysis and deep sadness I have felt. Almost, as if stuck on a dilapidated fence observing a destructive political garden party.
“There is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ‘tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come - the readiness is all.”
This quotation spoken by Hamlet created a new interest in the play for me. So, I watched an excellent BBC version featuring David Tennant as Hamlet last week in order to fully grasp the weight of these words. The green hardback covered Shakespeare Collection of plays which belonged to my parents was pulled off the shelf so I could read along as I watched.
The endeavor reminded me of listening to those records with story books, with the chime to turn the page. However, the Royal Shakespeare Company Production’s scenes did not follow the scenes directly, so there was much searching and page turning taking place on my part. But I loved it.
In high school I did a research paper on the messages of the birds in Macbeth. Funny, the way these birds appeared in my younger years.
In Hamlet some say through this statement he is nodding to Chapter 10 in the gospel of Matthew. He has moved from, “To Be or Not to Be” into an acceptance that some things are beyond control.
I see parallels in my world. Less than 6 months ago, I lived in a time and land of infinitives. To assume. To expect. To take. To be. To have. To do. To see. To travel. To go.
Barriers have fallen around the infinitives. A strangely constrained place of uncertainty has entered the scene which places us all under the wings of providence.
A few notes on the process behind this painting follow:
This 6” x 6”l painting was painted on aquabord. A monochromatic underpainting was applied. The decision to apply the cast shadow was made using tracing paper.
Color was then added, followed by wax medium. I love the texture found in the wax medium on the final piece. It is difficult to photograph and give this finished little bird justice so I have included a video of the process.
Applying wax medium over small watercolor on aquabord
There is an often overlooked and very quiet Saturday which occurs between Good Friday and Easter. It is where the Silence of God is encountered. To me one of the most purposeful of the Holy Week Days and this year to me the most poignant.
It is where we grieve and we remember that hope is a thing with feathers.
“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul – and sings the tunes without the words – and never stops at all.”
CONFESSION: Sparkly things have been distracting me. I’m feeling as if the Golden Girls have met Château de Versailles . . . but on paper.
I’m even buying frames in gold?!?! I used to loathe gold and now, I’m finding the more sparkle the better.
Today is my birthday and I’m 44. I’m wondering if I’m attracted to the glitter shimmer to make up for the “diminishing” that middle age brings in. I now need reading glasses- especially in the mornings and evenings, back pain is a new companion of mine and well, those younger people are just so plugged in. How do they even have all the opinions they do about the planet? The world, coffee, sustainable clothing and politics??? I can’t keep up. But I want to and I’m glad they are here. They care deeply about meaningful things and know how to have a good conversation.
I guess i’m thinking about these things because this year I noticed that I am too old for certain art calls. And I had four consecutive weeks where I really could do very little due to pain. So the fact is, I’m in a new season. What am I going to do with it?
Try to embrace and stay golden, I suppose. Oh, and the yoga for the back.
King Midas in His Garden
watercolor with goldleaf
36” x 24“
I find the myth of King Midas and his golden wish contains a few modern parallels. The bird appears to have it all, yet he still feels his life lacks luster.
Ultimately he migrates swiftly from euphoria to despair. And back again.
Beware of the man with the Midas touch.
detail of watercolor with gold leaf
Six years ago, I left the classroom. A year and a half ago I returned. It is a profession which keeps me connected to people, yet also allows me the luxury of time for family.
But it is not easy work
Recently, I read The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. In the novel, the portrait takes on the aging and sins of the man. And I thought about the strength that educators show in the midst of stress. Not only theirs but also that of the students. Does the outside depict the reality?
To me, the American Robin symbolizes spring, new beginnings, children playing and hope. This image to me captures a great unsettling I feel at the moment. School shootings are becoming normal, low pay is an insult to the profession and the hours are long. In what profession does one begin their day manning a metal detector shortly before entering a classroom to shape hearts and educate minds?
So I painted all the words I feel but cannot say. Recognizing that bleeding heart conversations are damask political curtains we hang.
I love an idiom. And the culture it can capture.
"Keeping Up With the Joneses" is spot on American. To me it describes what happens when the American Dream becomes grotesque. When the pursuit of happiness and freedom leads to a warped and twisted captivity.
Keeping Up With the Joneses, Watercolor, 22" x 30"
The idiom finds its origins in a 1913 comic strip by the same title. Arthur R. Momand was the creator and the term made its way into a few silent animations.
Keeping Up With the Joneses, Watercolor, 22" x 30"
Ranging from the accumulation of stuff that quickly loses its luster, sick social graces, self-glorifying chatter, and debt beyond measure - it is a pattern of behavior to appear on equal social-economic footing or ground.
Appearances were significant in my childhood home. I wonder if it was simply my mother's German perfectionism or her attempt to never appear "less than" our fully American counterparts?
Most recently I saw this pull within myself as my children wrestled with their college choices. Was I (or my family) "less than" because they made one choice over another? Did my children feel that way?
“But these were essentially the accoutrements that appeal to all people who are not actually rich but who want to look rich, though all they manage to do is look like each other: damasks, ebony, plants, rugs and bronzes, anything dark and gleaming-everything that all people of a certain class affect so as to be like all other people of a certain class. And his arrangements looked so much like everyone else’s that they were unremarkable, though he saw them as something truly distinctive.”
Finished watercolor, full sheet, 30" x 22"
“He in his madness prays for storms, and dreams that storms will bring him peace”
― Mikhail Lermontov
The photo of this bird was shared in a bird group I followed on Facebook. It was captured by someone after a recent hurricane hit the East Coast. And it immediately struck me. What does happen to birds in these storms? Where DO they go? How do they find shelter if caught in the midst of one? Why did this one not escape it?
I asked the photographer if I might use her image as a reference for a painting. She granted permission and since then, I have been immersed in the intricacies of this one's composition.
It captures so much to me.
That there is grace and beauty in dying. And yet confusion as to how a death can look so peaceful with a ballerina like pose. It doesn't seem polite.
It swells in me the grief cycle. Pirouettes and all.
*A sincere and special thank you to Marylee Newmann for permission to use her photograph that captured such a striking and moving moment as a reference image.